So that was a depressing post I left for you folk last Wednesday. Even when I was writing it I was pretty sure that I would end up going back and deleting it before too many people saw it. Well, I’m pretty sure no one has seen it even now (since no one has commented on it to me), but I still don’t think I’m gonna take it down. Like I said, it’s how I was feeling at the time (and how I’m still feeling to a lesser extent), so I don’t really think it would be right of me to remove it just because it might be offensive or alarming to people. If it alarms you, maybe you should be alarmed.
And that was mean. I’m sorry. I don’t like making people uncomfortable or unhappy, but I still just can’t help how I’ve been feeling lately. I don’t really know how to be both unhappy and concerned for how others see me, so if I fail at one or both then please forgive me . . .
So I’m writing again. I don’t mean school work. I just don’t care about that these days (so I guess it’s a good thing that I haven’t had anything major due for a while, and I don’t for another while longer). No instead I’ve been writing what I have for the time being called “True Confessions of a 24 Year Old Divorcee.” It’s gonna be the story of Carly and me, and more specifically me post-December 22nd, 2003. I at one time had visions of an on-going journal plotting my recovery until it’s all cleared up. No longer. Instead it’s going to be a “up until now” thing with my prognosis for the future. It’ll have all the ups and downs I’ve had. All of the little ways that I’ve tried (and failed) to rid myself of the pain and embarrassment of being such a young divorcee. Hell, there are so many people who still say “You were even married?” They can’t even seem to wrap their heads around me being divorced too.
So that’s what I’m up to today. That and feeding my face and talking online to Spencer (praise the gods for Yahoo Instant Messenger). Guess that makes it a relatively good day. Oh, and I do want to give a “shout out” to my Mom who has so generously supplied me with two things which were key to me actually getting out of bed today: Girl Scout cookies, and “Farscape” Season 2 on DVD. You rock Mom.
Oh! And as a PS to Wednesday’s post, I thought I would tell you folks that a while ago I put up a page just for my own masochistic pleasures . . . a page counting the days since Carly left me. Exactly 11 weeks as of today! Whopee!
Confidere really Enecat.
“And you just don’t get it
You keep it copacetic
And you learn to accept it
You know it’s so pathetic”
~Local H – “Bound to the Floor” (aka “Copacetic”)