First let’s start off with Valentine’s Day. I’ll admit straight up that I’m a remarkably bitter individual about Valentine’s Day under the best of circumstances (my old blog, duelling-bunnies.net had a rant about it back when it, you know, existed), but, in line with a long-established stereotype, as a single individual during “Love Day,” I find it even more difficult than usual to walk down the street and not spit on the plethora of people holding hands and being . . . cute. Now I’m not against cuteness. But for Pete’s sake, while I was waiting for Chris at Buchanan Street Station today I saw a little gothed-out teenage girl with a red rose and a huge smile on her face! Doesn’t she know that being happy is against Goth Rule number 578953 subsection C? Well, I’m sure she went back to her customary frown as soon as she could though, otherwise the other pretend vampires would kick her out of their pretend court and not let her drink pretend blood or something.
And that leads us to other thing to not be amused about. The reason I was waiting for Chris this afternoon was so that we could go see “Meet the Fockers.” Please understand me. I had no desire whatsoever to see this movie (especially since it’s ill-conceived prequel, “Meet the Parents” just struck way too close to home to be at all funny). However, I was asked in a very polite-but-firm way by my flatmate to vacate said flat for to make room for what I have discovered to be a very romantic evening of takeout. Anyway, so “Meet the Fockers” was pretty much all that was playing, so I took a deep breath and went for it. My only real question is: “Did Dustin Hoffman have a house payment due or something?” I mean, De Niro is bad enough, but since he’s also sunk so low as to take part in “Shark Tale” and an American Express commercial, I’ve kinda stopped expecting him to be able to say no when these stupid parts come along. But come on, Hoffman! You’re Benjamin Braddock! You’re Raymond! You like Wapner! You’re not some aging hippy who calls his son “Gay” (it’s the character name, but it’s a cheap joke that [unsurprisingly] got a laugh every single time it was said. I hate people sometimes). Basically, the movie was just a load of crap filled with a complete farce of a plot (What’s with De Niro suddenly going from straight-laced CIA to fun loving horn-dog? COME ON, PEOPLE!) . . . and seriously, don’t even get me started on the worst-actor-ever, aka Ben Stiller.
Argh. I know I’m not usually one to talk, as most people will tell you that I’ll go see just about everything, and even tend to like most of what I see. But when something gets so much hype, and so completely fails to impress, I just have to have a good vent . . . especially since it was supposed to be my date substitute, damnit!
Hope everyone else’s V-Day went better than my own. I’m sure it did. At least mine wasn’t as bad as one guy I saw on Ashton Lane who was in the act of getting slapped by his presumably now ex-girlfriend . . . not having someone for Valentine’s Day is bad enough, but breaking up on it has just GOT to suck!
[Ben Stiller is an] “Assss . . . hooooole”
~Spencer or Bradely Pickren (as Little Jack) – “Meet the Fockers”