Remember that whole moving home thing? Yeah, never mind.
Why? Well, because of this. If I moved home, how in the world would I be able to comfort poor little Sienna and help her forget the painfully-obviously-gay man that she almost married? That kind of long-distance relationship just wouldn’t work for us, and there are some things that are just too important . . . like being with Sienna Miller. Now I know what you’re going to say: But what about Daniel Craig? Well, I figure that he’ll be off being James Bond or something, and we all know that Sienna needs someone to keep her warm at night. I’ve decided that, tough as it may be, I’m willing to make the sacrifices that obviously need to be made. So now that I’ve made such a dramatic statement of intent, who has her phone number?