Believe it or not, you’ll probably hear me talk a fair amount about kids on this blog. Not because I’m some sort of crusading single Dad or anything, I’m just a new dad, and this fatherhood thing kinda snuck up on me.
Not that the Cap’n was a surprise. Not at all, in fact. My wife, Charming (yeah, I call them that on the Internet. Not that it’s hard to find out their names, it’s just funny to me), and I had been trying for a bit before he came along, so he was well and truly welcome. He even was supposed to have a sister before him but she was not meant to be.
It’s just that when the Cap’n was born, I was 33 years old. His mum was *cough-mumble* years old. We were getting along. I had also had more than my fair share of girlfriends and even a wife before Charming. At no point did I ever even have the whisper of a scare of a pregnancy.
What I’m telling you, dear Internet, is I thought it was . . . not in my cards. Granted, I was always a thoroughly safe player in the Grand Game of Looooove, but still. Simple statistics would suggest that I would have had some sort of “whoops” moment by that point.
So when the Cap’n (and really his sister) came along, we were absolutely over the moon.
What I’m getting at is that we tend to be some of the more gregarious parents. Not over-protective (mostly we just try to get the little idiot to not lick things that might give him the Hep). Not annoying, at least we hope. We don’t do cloth diapers, and we find attachment parenting to be creepy on a level which borders on . . . well, let’s just leave it at creepy. Also? People who are anti-vax should probably be arrested for public endangerment. Fuck Jenny McCarthy.
We’re not those people.
But I did take a job which allowed me to be at home to watch him grow up, and Charming quit her job all together to raise him for his first couple of years. Yeah. We’re THOSE people.
You’ve been warned.
P.S. Oh, and the point to this post: This weekend I’m driving like 15 hours each way with Charming and the Cap’n to meet my new godson for probably a total of about 30 minutes. He’s being born today! Why am I doing this? Because it’s what you do when your best friend has a kid and asks you to be a godfather.